What I Was Doesn’t Matter, What Matters Is What We Can Become Together

Who cares who I once was, if you now know me as  I am? Why should the mistakes I’ve made in the past matter, when I’ve deconstructed myself to rebuild myself. And now this is what you have come to know and I have not asked you to appreciate it and applaud it, but just to enjoy it with me. What I was doesn’t matter, only what we can become together one day.

I’m sure we both know that feeling of wasted kisses, hugs and time to find each other. They are all lost in time and linger in the air, covering us with wisdom and perspective. But they no longer live in us. They left to perhaps help other people in their emotional growth and development. Now we continue to grow, to take steps and to make mistakes… but differently, with different stories.

We leave one story to make another one

Each of us on our own path, without slowing down or accelerating. Still, we’re slowly but surely knowing that if we stumble, we won’t fall off a cliff. At least, not without the other person trying to avoid it. If we don’t think and behave that way, why should we be together at all?

For neither has saved the other, nor will we. But the shared love and passion we feel empowers us so that the end of each day feels like a rescue, a heroic bet together. I don’t know if I believe in romantic love. The form of romantic love that I have been told about is the form of love that has hurt me. Now I only believe in the kind of love that makes me feel better.

I could explain a lot of things I’ve done or who I once was, but if I ever had to, I wouldn’t tell. Explanations are not necessary when there is a reason to be together, reasons that matter. The kind of reasons that fill your eyes with expectations and shroud every thought about that person in mystery.

Because you can be together in many ways, but you can only love in a few ways. So I don’t feel the need to settle down in any specific marital status either. I’m not in a phase, I just don’t want to settle down with nothing. I want to walk to the rhythm of life. Not to the rhythm of the impositions of the outside world. I want it to bloom. What I feel is a passion to live it. Not the need for others to see it. My love is not a cult for the ego, which it is for many people.

And you?

I will talk to you about  you  and about what interests me. About what really matters. I’m not exactly sure what the chronology of your life is. I would like to find out which side of the bed you sleep on. I want a reason to put myself in the background when it comes to your happiness… and the knowledge that I had something to do with it.

We could tell each other a lot of things about what we were, but everything would just get confused. If you’re more interested in looking into those eyes looking back at you than worrying about the past,  then you’re in love and, in my experience, that’s a good sign. A sign that led to me being with you. I was not born, nor did I live to find you, but it happened. And I’m very happy that we’re together now.

What do we expect from us, without knowing everything about how we were

What can you expect from a buddy who doesn’t know exactly what the other person has done in the past? That’s what a lot of people say. These people see love as a job interview and feelings as the necessary ingredients for a particular recipe.

We know what we need to know about the other person. I know you have a past. Something that resides in the mystery of unraveling your soul without having to dust off your past. That can only bring germs with it.

What matters most of all is that you also care about what we have together. That you support me in my decisions, not because they suit you, but because you know they make me happy. That you care about what I do, not because you want to control me but because you want to understand me better. Don’t worry about our conversations, or arguing sometimes, because you appreciate the moments when we don’t argue.

You are not an ideal love. You are not a prince and I am not your princess. We did not meet in adolescence and we were not touched by a magic wand. We are a couple building together because they already have a reason worth healing. And that reason is to love each other. I know about you what I always wanted and dreamed, that it wasn’t a perfect story. It was not a perfect love with a pristine course.

I wanted a serene love, but powerful at the same time. Something messy, challenging, but not dangerous. Something inspiring, but not filled with enigmas with no answers. I don’t need to know anything else about you. Because with what I already know, I already feel overwhelmed.

With what I know now and what I think about our future, I already have enough emotions to maintain, understand and enjoy. So, what can be expected of us if we feel the same way? I think nothing and everything at the same time,  that is the charm of losing the explicit in order to gain the sincere.