No You Are Not A Bad Mother

It seems that people are looking for a reason to go into ‘fight mode’. There is a war on motherhood and what it means to be a bad mother. But as always, the women themselves are the only ones who suffer from this.

Worst of all, mothers hurt each other and judge each other very harshly on their parenting skills. It’s as if they want to say that there are only a few ways to do things right and that everything else is unthinkable.

Sadly, it is true that there have been, have been, and will be mothers who abandon or neglect their children. But even in these cases, we shouldn’t necessarily dismiss a woman as a bad mother. More like a woman with problems. Maybe she made a mistake or made a bad decision in her life. Or she didn’t know what else to do.

These women will have to bear the weight of their decision for the rest of their lives. However, these are extreme cases and we don’t compare them to mothers who do love their children and do everything they can to give them the best of themselves.

While we all perceive and understand motherhood in our own way, and all have our own ideas about what we want to teach our children, this does not necessarily mean that it is the best and only way for all mothers.

We must be tolerant of other mothers who choose to raise their children differently. As long as neither the child nor the mother suffers and as long as they are both happy, what is the problem?

Why you’re not a bad mother

You are not a bad mother if you make decisions that consider both your child’s well-being and your own well-being. While specialists recommend following certain parenting guidelines, a mother is really the one who spends hour after hour with her child. She is the one who really knows her children and has access to information that no one else has.

We are criticized for breastfeeding too long, but we are also criticized for choosing baby food from the start. People judge us when we sleep with our baby until a certain age. But even if we let him sleep alone when he is ‘still too young’. It is not good for a child to get used to being held. But it’s also wrong to let your child cry in his crib… are we really doing everything so badly?

Not at all. We’re fine. We do things the best way we know how, as long as we act out of love. After all, that’s what a baby really understands, and we think about what’s best for him.

Because not all children are the same: some hate to be alone in their room, others have no problem with it and can easily sleep through the night. There are babies who don’t get enough breast milk and need something to replenish it. Others will grow up wonderfully with breast milk.

What’s the point of taking your child to his own room for good after six months if you’re both miserable? Why force yourself to breastfeed if it causes you a lot of anxiety and you transfer that fear to your little one? Done with negative emotions about motherhood! Let’s enjoy this time and be happy. Thanks to science and common sense, we have plenty of ways to make the process easier.

Don’t be an extremist, neither to yourself nor to others

As Aristotle said, virtue is the middle way. And this is so right! As mothers, the best we can do is be moderate in the decisions we make. And even more moderate in the judgments we make about other mothers. It’s not about reading every parenting book out there and blindly applying the information in it, simply because it’s supposedly the best way to do things.

It’s also about taking into account what your instincts tell you. Make sure you feel good about the decisions you make. Also, end the habit of judging yourself harshly. Most importantly, you and your child are happy and healthy on all levels: physically and mentally. This is the best sign that you are not a bad mother but a good mother.

The right way to screw it up

Let’s never forget that we are human beings and that we have the right to make mistakes and fix them. No, you’re not a bad mother just because you screwed up. We can start over and fix our mistakes and it won’t be the end of the world.

In fact, there are plenty of professionals we can consult to get guidance and advice. So it’s not a good idea to correct another mom for acting differently than you. Don’t be an extremist; moderation is always the best way. Don’t lose sight of the most important thing: the best a child can ever have is consistent, loving parents.

Congratulate yourself for being a good mother and don’t be too mad at yourself if you fail sometimes. Raising and raising children is a process that can be extraordinarily special. But it is also part of life. It’s time to accept mistakes as part of parenting. You are not a bad mother.