Love To Improve Your Life, Not To Fill The Void
Loneliness is not a curse, nor is it a prison sentence. Some see it as a punishment or a personal failure, and the desperation of escaping it can lead people to look for someone – anyone – to fill that void, even though the love is not genuine.
Any relationship that tries above all to fill the void of loneliness will be based on an immature, dependent, and toxic affection that will inevitably conflict with the freedoms, rights, and personal growth of everyone involved.
Feeling comfortable in solitude is something we have to learn from an early age. Parents and educators need to do more to encourage children to feel comfortable being alone and to understand the nuances of loneliness.
It should not be construed as “social rejection”; it is a means by which we learn to be ourselves, to accept ourselves, to connect with our emotions and feelings and to avoid becoming dependent on others. But we know it’s not always easy to get to that point.
Let’s talk about this today and learn some simple but important tips.
The wisdom of loneliness
The wisdom of loneliness is not learned overnight. We understand it in our youth. We see it in the tendency of children to look for a place where they can think without interruption and look at the world from a far distance in order to understand it better. However, overprotective parents plant a fear of loneliness in their child’s mind, a fear that can inspire separation problems.
Without a doubt, we can and should avoid this. Emotional maturity should be fostered from a very early age ; every child is able to learn to move forward with courage, without a fearful attachment or excessive dependence that dictates all his or her actions. Stimulating emotional maturity from such a young age helps ensure that the child will grow into an adult who can live peacefully in solitude. Otherwise, the opposite can happen.
The obsessive need to feel loved
Those who avoid loneliness because of their need to feel loved create a harmful attachment to feel recognized and valued. This is harmful – both to the person seeking attention and to the people from whom he or she demands love.
You have probably come across such a personality, at least once. They can have one relationship after another and seem to collect failed relationships without even stopping to analyze the real problem.
They are people with low self-esteem, who almost never recognize it. They only feel this “emptiness”, a distress in their lives that gives them an exaggerated fear of loneliness. For them, being alone equals failure and abandonment.
When they start a new relationship and cover up the feeling of loneliness, they become demanding and selfish. They have many personal needs, fears, and concerns, and they are constantly seeking a sense of recognition.
They are rarely able to offer true happiness to those by their side. Why? They are obsessed with their own separation anxiety and avoiding feeling the grip of loneliness. It is in fact a phobia and so they will employ whatever strategy is necessary to avoid these situations, however irrational it may seem. Therefore, it is very common for them to use emotional manipulation, blackmail or victimization in their relationships… Always keep this in mind.
How being alone can teach us to love better
Don’t see loneliness as rejection. It is a space in which you can learn to love yourself and therefore connect better with the people you love.
It is often said that those who have developed a specific concern for the idea of loneliness, in reality transform that fear into “autophobia” or the fear of themselves.
It is the fear of being alone with your thoughts, of being forced to see the essence of who you are; you will definitely find some “personal ghosts” here. However, it is never too late to learn new strategies for moving away from the shadows of fear and anxiety.
Here are some of the things you can do to counteract the negative feeling of loneliness and embrace your own inner life:
- Learn to enjoy moments of solitude, the same way you enjoy time in the company of others.
- See, understand and accept that loneliness is not harmful. Leave the common idea that “loneliness is social isolation or rejection”.
- In solitude you will find all those questions to ask yourself: about what to do every day to better understand yourself. You will also find the answers if you listen to yourself. It’s easier than you think.
- Start new habits in your life to better understand and enjoy your loneliness. Walk around, listen to music, write and become aware of the “here and now”.
- If you learn to understand yourself, to listen to yourself and to connect with yourself during those moments of loneliness, you will also learn to love others better.
Loneliness is a value that everyone should learn to appreciate, because in the end we all come into this world alone and we all go the same way again; but what always surrounds us… what always remains is love.
