Love Hurts
Love hurts in every possible way: if we have it, if we don’t have it, if we lose it, if we find it…
One who falls in love is subjected to a mirage of illusions in which the true self is reflected. Self-esteem is at the mercy of another, your self-confidence becomes someone else’s property, your self-image and self-esteem is dependent on that other person. Your whole inner life belongs to that other person.
This can function perfectly and mature until a relationship full of friendship, love and intimacy is established. But to achieve this, we need to find the right person, and by ‘right’ I mean the right person to reinforce our true identity.
Relationships are based on give and take. In this way, all you get will be because the other person got the same from you first. You become mirrors that reflect each other: the emptiness and void of one or the whole universe of another.
The need for a partner
Humans are social creatures by nature. They have evolved and adapted in such a way that they enjoy living in the company of others. However, this company is a lot safer if it is not bigger than the brain can control, that is, if it is a small group of acquaintances. The ideal number to develop further and form a family with the people you determine is two.
This is why it is so disastrous for the brain to not have a partner or to have never had one. The brain interprets and anticipates its own destruction and the possibility that its own genes will not be passed on to new generations. This can be so stressful that it can cause you to fall into a deep depression. Which is ironic, because we won’t find a partner this way either.
However, if we do have a partner, we want this person to bring out the best in us. And we don’t realize that the other can only bring out what we show him of ourselves. This hurts us too.
We want that other person to be perfect, that everything will be okay, we want to avoid every mistake. But the truth is, we won’t really be in pain until we see the worst of ourselves in the other person. The things we don’t accept from our deepest self or what we might want to be, but simply don’t have the courage to become. But the other sees all this, for he sees it in our reflection (remember that we are a mirror).
If we lose that love that made us so happy, it will surely hurt. It will hurt so much, we think we might die of love. We need another mirror immediately, but we panic at the thought of finding one we don’t like. Besides, we were used to the mirror we had, because at least then we knew what we had.
Our self-esteem depended on that mirror. Your self-image was that other person. Your confidence and safety was knowing he was there. But none of this is true. It’s an illusion that the other mirror made us believe. An illusion that made us fulfill ourselves and that made us grow in a great way. But until this moment of discovery and enlightenment comes, it hurts.
Love Hurts
Love hurts when we find it, because this is the moment when we start to lose the other reflections we knew of ourselves until then. We love our new mirror and are beginning to believe we can’t live without it anymore, but we are in pain. Our ego is in pain, our inner being is in pain, and the whole world is in pain because a reflection like ours has been lost.
What is the solution? We must grow in such a way that we do not need another mirror to exist on this earth. Our self-esteem must be strong and we must believe in ourselves, independent of any other reflection. We need to be sure that we show the world around us the best of ourselves, what we like most about ourselves, what makes us proud to be who we are. Thus, when others look in our mirror, they will see only the most beautiful parts of our being, which will give us back not only the same, but something even more beautiful, because our reflection will be mixed with all the other wonderful qualities of that other person. .
