If It’s Bitter, It’s Not Love

Love can’t do everything. After all, some things just aren’t worth it and it’s harmful to think they are. For the sake of love, we often endure very unpleasant circumstances and cling to relationships that in reality have little to do with love.

The fear of loneliness, change, and regret keeps us in relationships that actually do nothing for us anymore, that hold us back from our lives and bring us more trouble and bitterness than happiness.

Sometimes we think it will pass quickly or the other person will change their behavior, but most of the time it doesn’t. What really happens is that love is absent. You say it, but in your body and soul you don’t really feel it… the relationship has died and it’s time to make decisions so you can improve despite your most limiting fears.

Love also comes to an end

The hyper romance has bombarded us with some very unhealthy, harmful ideas about love and relationships. Movies, songs and poems teach us that love is the only thing that gives meaning to our lives; that if it is true love, it will be forever; that you have to endure everything for the sake of love etc. Not only is this unhealthy for our emotional well-being, it is also completely wrong.

Love is not always forever. This is normal and it has even been scientifically proven. And love doesn’t give your life meaning either. The meaning of your life is not determined by external factors, but by yourself, through your own interpretation of the world and your ability to appreciate and enjoy. And we don’t have to endure everything for love’s sake.

Tolerating certain traits from your partner is normal and healthy. We know that no one is perfect and that people have to tolerate us in many ways, just as we have to tolerate them in many ways.

However, it becomes problematic when we tolerate things that go against our identity, our rights or our values. Or when we simply notice that the other person no longer cares about us or supports us. It is his right to do this and to live how he wishes, but the moment this happens the relationship has come to an end and you can no longer call it love.

Of course everyone loves in their own special way. Some people are much more affectionate and expressive than others, but there are certain details that we should not overlook. A lack of respect, the violation of personal rights, manipulation or attempts to change the way we think, feel and live; this is non-negotiable. If the other person really loves you, then he loves you for who you are and he chose you because you are who you are. He doesn’t even think about changing you, hurting you, or manipulating you.

Through these considerations, you can think about your current relationship and observe yourself from the outside. Do you smile often? Or are you sad and arguing day in and day out? Are you more comfortable with others than you are with your partner? Be honest with yourself when you answer these questions.

How do you make the decision?

If you have come to the conclusion that love is conspicuously absent, that it is no longer there, but that your fears are preventing you from going in a new direction, it would be good to think about it rationally and practically. Consider the following advice:

• Love yourself. Don’t let anyone treat you in a way you know you don’t deserve. No one deserves a relationship where they are ignored, where there is no respect, where each other is not taken care of and where partners are not supportive of each other. But if you let it happen, it will keep happening. That’s why you need to set boundaries, despite your fear of change. You are unique and you can only do it if you learn to love and value yourself more than anyone else.

• Learn to let go. Not all relationships will succeed and this is a reality that can occur anywhere in the world at any given time. If so, try not to force things. Don’t continue with something that doesn’t work. The most sensible and intelligent thing to do here is to let go and retire with dignity.
• Don’t make a drama out of it. What’s the worst that could happen if you end the relationship? You don’t need the other. Before you met him you didn’t even know he existed and you were calm and happy which just means he’s not vital to your life. The worst that can happen is something you are ready for and so you should face the situation calmly, knowing that you don’t need anyone to be happy, let alone one person in particular. You alone are responsible for whether or not you fall into depression or emotional disorders.