How Do I Know If I Have Passed The Mourning Period?

Despite what we may think, it’s not always easy to know if we’ve made it through the grieving period. Thinking we can move on when we may not have processed the loss is like walking around with an infected wound. It will fill our lives with conditioning and limitations. It is therefore necessary to recognize the clues that could show that our grief is still too fresh.

By mourning we mean any event that separates us from something or someone that is important to us. It could be the loss of a loved one, an emotional breakup or the loss of a job. It could even be giving up on a certain role, a role that identified us and made us feel fulfilled. Above all, such an event means the abrupt disappearance of a kind of band, the extinction of something that meant a lot to us.

There is no best or universal way to get through the mourning period. Every person reacts differently, and that’s definitely what makes it so difficult. So when it comes to dealing with loss, we can’t recommend ‘normal’ techniques that can help everyone. After all, there is nothing quite as private, messy and chaotic as the pain caused by a loss.

However, there is something we cannot deny: the resilience of a human being is immense. While we can never fully heal the void of loss, we will be able to live with it. We can even allow ourselves to be happy again. However, we need to face our personal grieving process and deal with it effectively.

Signs that you have not passed the mourning period

It is strange, but in our society there is an awful lot of personal, almost invisible grief. Sometimes this is ‘unauthorized’ grief where the death is not always acknowledged. An example of this is mothers who lose their babies during pregnancy. This traumatic event affects many women who undoubtedly need specialized support. Yet this is often lacking in hospital centers.

Children are also part of this group that is not always understood. There are many children who live their mourning in silence. They do it in an environment that still thinks that, because of their age, they still don’t understand what death is. But there are also plenty of men who are in this group. And for whom it is ‘unlawful’ to mourn for a very specific reason.

In many countries, the figurehead of the man continues to represent that rational and protective role in which he is expected not to openly express his emotional pain. Often this view hinders the process of reconstruction after a loss. The chronic helplessness that this can sometimes lead to is something we need to understand and, of course, deal with.

Let’s take a look at the symptoms that may suggest that the grieving period has not been passed.

We still can’t talk about the person we lost

Every mourning period has a decisive moment. It’s that moment when we finally open up. The moment when we need to talk to someone about our loss. About the person or situation we left behind. Talking, expressing, remembering and recalling certain memories can bring us relief and comfort. It also promotes emotional relief.

If several months and years have passed and we are still unable to talk about that person, it means that the grief has not yet been processed. If we see a wall, a lump in our throat and resistance when we think back to the person or situation, we should ask for professional help.

Matters that trigger excessive emotional responses

The person may appear to lead a very normal life. However, in his daily life, sudden emotional reactions can occur that no one can understand. An object, a certain piece of music or a specific situation. All of these things can act as a memory trigger.

When the door to the past suddenly opens, the unprocessed pain caused by the loss suddenly emerges. There the emptiness of loss comes to the surface like an open wound.

Constant Lifestyle Changes

Another obvious fact that shows that we didn’t get through the grieving period is the constant need to make changes. Some people can’t even keep the same job for two months in a row. Friendships, hobbies and even interests change. Nothing satisfies or relieves us, and we find everything exhausting. There is often a constant search for new things that makes us forget reality.

mood swings

Some people alternate between periods of euphoria and times of isolation and great apathy. This is just more proof that they haven’t been able to cope with their loss. They swing back and forth between the need to be surrounded by others, and times when they need solitude and personal reflection. These are all clear indications of hidden sadness that completely undermines the quality of life.

In many of these cases, it is normal for the person to eventually experience subclinical depression. This is a disorder that does not meet the criteria of major depression, or even a minor one. Nevertheless, the emotional exhaustion is present in a very real way.

When we know that we have passed the mourning period

We have seen what hidden symptoms seem to indicate that our loss is still very close to us. It conditions our life, limits it and puts us in a state of chronic suffering. Many of these symptoms shape mental disorders. Conditions that further reduce our motivation to move forward and be happy again.

We need to understand that we need to give our brain enough time to adapt to a reality that has changed abruptly and even unfairly. In this transition period that can last for months and years, our environment, our attitudes, and also the medical professionals around us, can help us deal with certain grief issues.

Proof of Recovery

Some of the things that show that we have made it through the mourning period are:

• We can talk in a normal way about the person we lost. We allow ourselves to let go of our emotions and even cry, but we do this with acceptance.
• Gradually we can make new plans and look forward to new goals.
• We give that person a place in us. Instead of leaving it behind, we integrate it as a precious commodity into our reality. However, without being dependent on him. We remember him with affection and love, without letting the pain block us.

• We are open to our environment. We decide to meet new people, expand our relationships, and let positive emotions embrace us without feeling guilty or feeling bad about our conscience. The happiness we allow ourselves to experience can be a good tribute to the people who are no longer with us, but who live on in our hearts as guardian angels.