Gaslighting: The Most Subtle And Corrosive Form Of Abuse

Has anyone ever tried to tell you that you were crazy? That you were going to say something that never actually happened? If someone makes you question your own judgment or question what you think happened, it can leave you feeling very confused and possibly depressed. This is a very effective manipulation strategy that people use to take advantage of and hurt others. In this case we are talking about gaslighting, the most subtle and corrosive form of abuse.

The term “gaslighting” is not arbitrary. It comes from the movie ‘Gaslight’ , in which the protagonist makes his wife believe that she is going crazy and that she needs to see a psychologist. His manipulation has a clear goal: to be able to run off with her fortune. Gaslighting is a real torture for anyone who falls victim to this cruel joke.

Gaslighting, a weapon for manipulators

While the term may not be very well known, this technique is used more often than you might think. Gaslighting is a razor-sharp weapon for manipulators. With this weapon, they can make their victims literally go crazy and consent to anything they want from them. Do you need some examples? This may sound familiar to you.

Imagine someone telling their partner that they hurt them badly during a particular conversation. The partner says he can’t remember at all, that the other person is making it all up, and that he would never say such a thing. Although the other could ask more questions about it, the partner, the manipulator in this case, has just accomplished something very important: he has managed to sow a little doubt.

Then a number of circumstances arise that remind the victim of that moment when his partner told him that the fork was not as good as he thought. In another, similar situation, the manipulator will say that the other is exaggerating, that he is lying, that this extreme sensitivity is causing problems, etc. The doubt that has been sown will germinate and begin to grow. Little by little, the other person will think he’s really blowing things up, or maybe even sucking his thumb.

In the most extreme cases, the manipulator will intentionally hide things and make the other person believe that he is wrong and that his memory is no longer reliable. The motive behind this form of abuse can be the urge to take control of the other person, to feel strong and powerful, to cause harm or to achieve a certain goal, as in the movie ‘Gaslight’. This is clearly an example of a toxic relationship. In a relationship like this, the victim becomes very insecure, constantly begins to doubt his own beliefs, and becomes completely dependent on the judgment and opinions of others.

Trust your intuition

Is it difficult to free yourself from such a situation? Yes, of course that is difficult. It is always difficult to free yourself from a situation where you are dealing with a person who is willing to manipulate you. But this doesn’t mean it’s impossible. It’s important to keep some good strategies in mind should we ever find ourselves in a situation where someone tries to gaslight us. These strategies help us to open our eyes and escape from the situation.

The first strategy is to learn to trust your own intuition. If you feel like something strange is going on, that something isn’t quite right, then you shouldn’t just believe everything the other person says to you. Your intuition is trying to tell you something and you should listen to it. Your intuition is usually at least as “reasonable” as that other person.

The second strategy is not to constantly seek approval from that other person. This is something that many people do in such a situation, often because of low self-esteem or the need for acceptance. However, if our intuition is already trying to tell us that something is wrong, then we should not blindly rely on someone trying to tell us that a particular conversation never happened at all.

The third strategy is to clearly maintain your boundaries. If the other person yells at you, if he says hurtful things, or if you can see that he is trying to use you to take advantage of it, then you need to speak up about this and not just let it go. You shouldn’t allow someone to waltz over your boundaries like that, or they’ll think they can get away with it. Our borders should be impassable. Once you give in, there is no going back and this psychological manipulator will take advantage of this opportunity.

You may doubt yourself, but in that case the wisest thing to do is to look for evidence yourself. Gaslighting is a strategy that tries to feed the idea that we perceive reality differently than an objective observer would. This causes our thoughts to become obsessive, which only reinforces this idea.

It is important to distance ourselves from the people who make us feel bad about ourselves. Distance helps us to analyze the situation from a new perspective, far from all manipulation. Agreeing with someone who tries to make us doubt ourselves will give that person the power to destroy us.