Learn To Express Your Feelings

Do you find it difficult to express your opinion and your feelings ? Do you feel like “you could have said something” long after the conversation has ended? Have you noticed how hard it is to say ‘no’ to someone?

In that case, dear reader, you need a little more assertiveness. Perhaps you have never heard of this word; there is a first time for everything!

Assertiveness allows you to express your feelings and beliefs, to make sincere suggestions and above all to defend your own rights.

For example, if a friend asks if you want to help him paint his house on the weekend and you say yes when you actually need that time to study, then you are not being assertive. In this case, you should simply explain the situation and perhaps offer your help, but not allow that person to take up so much of your time. For example, only go Saturday morning or Sunday afternoon.

Another example: you argue with your partner about money (when not?) and instead of expressing your own opinion, you remain silent. When the conversation—which is basically a monologue—is over, you move on to another activity. After a while your brain is finally able to react and you realize… that you could have said so much!

This is also a lack of assertiveness. Ideally, instead of being silent, you would have taken the chance to say that your financial problems stem not from too little income, but from overspending. That you both should pay more attention to the expenses etc.

Well, how can you develop assertiveness without constantly arguing, constantly having problems with your friends or loved ones? This may be what is holding you back: the fear of confrontation.

Assertiveness also means communicating your feelings without being captivated by your emotions. In the example of the couple arguing over money, the point is to get your point across without crying, yelling, or getting angry.

Of course, you can’t expect all your problems to go away by becoming a little more assertive. These problems will likely be replaced by other problems. However, you will be at peace with your consciousness, because you know that at least you have said everything you feel and think.

The biggest plus is that you can practice your assertiveness anywhere and it can help you improve while communicating with someone or expressing yourself, defending your rights, saying what you feel and what your opinion is on a particular topic.  In any case, assertiveness will give you more peace and freedom. And isn’t that something we all strive for?

How to be more assertive

It’s time to roll up your sleeves and develop the sacred assertiveness we’re talking about in this article. Of course, this is easier said than done (in most cases).

• Erase your guilt: Negative thoughts or a lack of communication can be based on guilt. ‘I’m such a bad friend, how can I not help Jan paint his house?’ . Convert this thought into a thought that is slightly more positive. “I earn the weekend for myself to study and rest.”

• Remember that no one can read minds: some people may, but in general people cannot. The people you associate with don’t have a crystal ball they can look into to see what’s going through your mind. So the only way these people can find out is… if you tell them!
• Defend your truths: Not everything you say will be the absolute truth (for many there isn’t even such a thing), but you will protect what you believe in… and that’s worth a lot.
• Be firm: do not go to extremes; say the right things at the right time.

Remember that assertiveness also affects your self-esteem. When you are assertive, you have more respect for yourself. You will also gain more respect from others.