You Already Learned To Be Strong, Now It’s Time To Be Happy

Eventually there comes a time when you make it: you learn to be strong. Life is full of lessons and some situations help you build a fireproof attitude. That’s why you tell yourself that you can do anything and that you have the means to face any hardship… But maybe you forget the most important thing: it’s also time to be happy.

Happiness is not elsewhere, it is here, and now. A person who is happy does not postpone his happiness, because life is happening now and what comes next, no one knows.

However, people who have just gone through a rough patch may find it difficult to follow this advice. Why? Because when life gets tough, it’s hard for your mind to stay in the present moment.

In addition, you will tend to go through life defensively. You are careful to ensure that what happened does not happen again. In your mind you look in the rear-view mirror. You go over the things you have experienced in the past and you try to learn from them in order to be as prepared as possible in case something happens again.

However, if you’ve been through something terrible, complex, or traumatic, don’t obsess over being strong. Instead, you should focus on being flexible. We say this because in these times it can be very tempting to be defensive or to protect yourself from showing your scars.

You learned to be strong, but now it’s time to be happy

Balance can teach you things, just like your experiences, relationships and everything you read and discover do. There is, however, a fact worth addressing: people who have overcome trauma don’t always know how to give themselves the chance to be happy. It’s like they go out with an umbrella every day, even when the weather is nice.

Anisthenes, Greek philosopher and founder of the Cynical school, always said that our goals should make an impenetrable fortress of your soul. But what’s the point of becoming a rigid wall? The light can hardly pass through a stone wall. You can’t see through it and, worse, the door is closed to those who really want to meet you.

Therefore, those obsessed with developing a strong personality often become defensive for fear of being hurt. That’s not the best strategy because happiness can’t be in harmony with fear or someone who uses too many defense mechanisms.

Now you know your most essential priorities

Things haven’t changed much since Martin Seligman laid the foundations for positive psychology in the 1990s. The world is still witnessing the booming self-help publications teaching people how to be happy. In general, the gurus promise to teach you the key of how to be a functional individual.

Those who have experienced traumatic circumstances do not always get help from these books. Experts in the field and psychologists Jerome Wakefield of New York University and Allan Horwitz of Rutgers University wrote a book about this entitled The Loss of Sadness: How Psychiatry Transformed Normal Sorrow into Depressive Disorder .

Today the ‘obligation’ to be happy is too much forced on people. In fact, many experts point out that people distort and neglect their emotional repertoire. They look down on fear, apprehension, or sadness. So, those who experience trauma continue to care about their negative emotions.

How can people be happy then? What can these people do for their well-being? While they may not believe it, they have an edge on this subject.

In fact, people who have not experienced hardship often fantasize about happiness in idealistic terms (having the perfect partner, getting the perfect job, or going on an amazing journey). However, those who have learned to be strong place much more value on more fundamental aspects such as calmness, balance, love and well-being.

The key to well-being is a combination of many things

Life has made you strong… and now it’s time to be happy. You fought your battle and things have changed in your life. But you still stand! Steadfast as a rock.

Now is the time to try and learn to be flexible and receptive. Accept changes and work on being open to life, to find yourself and discover what makes you happy.

In the middle of that ‘path’ there is a key with which you can work on your happiness. It is probably the most important element. Viktor E. Frankl talked about this in his famous book Man’s Search for Meaning . We are, of course, talking about finding your purpose in life.

It’s about giving your life meaning, a motivating and intrinsic force that creates some illusion in you. That should be your fuel for getting up in the morning to get better and better and set goals based on what’s important to you.