The Trap Of Too High Expectations Of Relationships

Having romantic relationships is really important. But why do so many people suffer when they are in a relationship? The answer to this question may be that many people have too high expectations that are not met.

We all have an idea in our minds about our perfect love story. We dream of an ideal person, someone who is exactly what we want in a partner. Unfortunately, the real world is almost never as perfect as our fantasies.

So when we start dating someone, we tend to compare that person to our fantasies. As a result, we quickly become disappointed again, because this never becomes the truth. In this article, we will explain how to avoid the problems that come with having too high expectations in a relationship.

Why do too high expectations cause problems?

The human mind is rational and that is something that can cause a lot of suffering. Albert Ellis, the father of rational emotive behavior therapy (RET), said that what causes pain is not what happens to us, but our thoughts about what happens to us.

Even before we start a new relationship, we already have an idea of ​​what it should be like. When our new partner is a little different from what we expected, we feel lost and disappointed. The first things that come to mind when that happens are thoughts like, “I can’t stand him” or “this isn’t what I wanted.”

Therefore, having too high expectations is harmful. Plus, the problem eventually gets worse because we don’t tell the other person what we want them to do. Unfortunately, what tends to happen is that we enter into a relationship with someone and expect them to guess how we want them to behave with us.

So if the other person inevitably breaks some of our non-explicit rules, we get angry and frustrated. Should we feel that way?

How do you avoid the negative consequences of too high expectations?

Here are some tips to help you avoid having too high expectations sabotaging your relationships:

1. Be a little more flexible

Sometimes we make a list before looking for a partner. We have a set of requirements that the other person must meet. The problem is that humans are rarely perfect and it is nearly impossible for anyone to fully meet the expectations of what we consider an “ideal” partner.

That said, stop looking for someone who is 100% perfect. Instead, try to live in the moment. Having expectations is one thing, pushing them to the limit is another. Remember that having too high expectations will do you more harm than good.

2. Explain what is non-negotiable.

Does this mean that we should not expect anything from our new partner? Not at all. You have to discover your own limits and the things that are non-negotiable for you. Once you’ve done this, it will be easier for you to express them to the other person.

That way your partner knows what’s really bothering you. This will help him or her avoid certain things that you don’t like because they are aware of it now. It’s really important to be completely honest with your partner.

3. Discover your partner’s limits

It’s great to be clear about what’s non-negotiable for you. However, for the relationship to be functional, you also need to discover your partner’s limits. The easiest way to do this is to just ask him.

Unfortunately, not everyone knows what is really important for their well-being. Therefore, if you see that your partner is having a hard time telling you what is bothering him, help him discover those things.