The Houdini Syndrome: Not Being Emotionally Available
Houdini syndrome is named after the escapist deeds of the mythical Hungarian-born American shackles king Harry Houdini. In this article, however, you will learn about the psychological escapism caused by avoidance. This is when people want to escape from family gatherings, jobs and everyday tasks.
Wars of egos, indulgence, and even how hard it is to express yourself without harming your partner are common issues that occur in interpersonal relationships. However, the fact that many people escape these relationships is a deeper symptom of the lack of involvement of modern societies.
In many cases there is a direct connection. The greater the involvement, the greater the need to escape. It is something that occurs naturally for many people, but what is the real cause of this behavior? Why is it so complicated for these people to get really emotionally involved?
Emotional Engagement and Houdini Syndrome
Emotional involvement has never been more questioned than it is now. Social ties have always been a very active part of the evolution of our species.
Involvement can also mean the opposite, which is detachment. Feelings and the ability to show them are essential to empathize with others.
Even Houdini would be surprised
The concepts of family and herd mentality are distorted. You are part of an individualistic society, in which youth has become even more dispersed. You see this not only in romantic relationships, but also in friendships, which can develop into utilitarianism.
The stages of Houdini syndrome
Usually, Houdini syndrome has different stages. These phases are part of a process that starts with emotional involvement and total rejection. Let’s see what the main features of these stages are:
- Implications. This is the stage of sentimentality. This is where persuasion strategies come into play to get something from the other person. It seems that there are no limits to love or friendship.
- Doubts. The very loose rules on which the emotional bonds are built leave people questioning their emotions. This is the moment when things start to fall apart. It happens slowly.
- Escape. In this last phase there is no contact. The other person has disappeared from your life and there is no communication.
A society that doesn’t want to help
You live in an individualistic society that doesn’t necessarily engage in relationships. Technology has given society a complete understanding of communication.
Nowadays you no longer have to stand next to someone to actively connect with them. This makes it easier to break up relationships because you don’t have to justify yourself. Bonds now go beyond the people who are physically around you.
Social networks
In this context, there are many apps today that facilitate social relationships. For example, there are Tinder and Instagram, where you can contact people from all over the world or find a partner in no time. People are no longer needed. There is a people bank with many other people on hold.
Supply and demand of feelings
Rapid changes in social ties shorten the ecstasy of love and friendships. Once that bond is broken, you go back to the social market to find the ecstasy of the novelty.
Thus a kind of supply and demand of feelings has now arisen, with novelty as a common denominator. Superficiality reigns in this market. A striking profile on social media is essential.
teenage love
Houdini syndrome can stem from childhood. Many relationship experts believe that little to no emotional upbringing in your teens could be a possible cause. Teens are constantly bombarded with stereotypes about how relationships should be.
Flight response
Even though there are certain people who identify with this syndrome, its effects and characteristics are a product of social phenomena. The syndrome can be demonstrated in many ways and depends on many factors, such as the person’s personality.
How to discover Houdini syndrome
To analyze Houdini syndrome, you need to analyze yourself. Often people complain about this, but they see other people as a plan B. The emotional involvement leads to selfishness. So how can you spot an escape artist? Because of their inability to commit outside of their own interests.
Emotional weakness
This is the dilemma. Can you really fully engage with yourself? If you bind yourself in a superficial way, you cannot expect to form strong and eternal bonds, if you see them as a risk. Thus, using people and repeatedly running away from them is a clear symptom of emotional weakness. Weakness can be expressed in many ways.
- Avoidance behavior. People who cannot commit themselves, but who cannot immediately break ties either. This is how they gradually avoid contact with people, making up excuses.
- Denial. These people may exhibit some sort of emotional blockage. They tend to have trouble expressing their feelings honestly.
- Egoism. These people find it difficult to plan activities outside of their interests.
It’s not all lost
People don’t have to be an escape artist to fit the profile defined in this article. Analyze your behavior, and if you see a similar trait, stop it before it becomes systematic. Some indications for this are:
- Face your fears. It is true that you can take a risk when you are emotionally committed. Trust, empathy and feelings seem to play a role here. Don’t be afraid if you act on what you think.
- Self-esteem. You don’t have to sell yourself as something you are not. The people who want to be with you stay for the real you.
- Care for others. Dedication is important and playing with the feelings of others is something an escape artist would do. Being honest is one way to protect others.
The saying “There is a fine line between love and hate” became “Love and hate are just a text message away.” While you might identify someone who suffers from Houdini syndrome from people from your past, you need to be objective.
Individualism and the speed at which everything is changing now is also a part of modern relationships. In a sense, they are more demanding for better social qualities.
