How Can You Say “No” In A Positive Way?

As a result of the new ideas about parenting and positive discipline, the word “no” (generally used by parents and grandparents) often as a  malicious  word given. This makes many parents feel powerless. They don’t know what to do to set boundaries. By saying “No”, they are looking for a way to impose their terms without appearing too strict or authoritarian. You can definitely learn to say “No” in a better or positive way.

Sometimes you have to say no to your kids. That goes against their wishes. It is important that you make sure that your no has a valid reason and that it is justified. However, there is a line between saying yes and saying no.

You can tell them that later in the day when the right time comes, they can do whatever they want. Moreover, you can offer other alternatives. You may find it appropriate and they like it too.

Your goal is to help the children steer themselves and learn how to deal with certain rules. It is a long and continuous process. However, don’t forget that they are children as well. You are responsible for their upbringing. So be patient! Learn to say “No” in a positive way!

Our children’s curiosity worries us

Children are naturally curious. However, that curiosity seems to fade as they grow up. Perhaps saying “No” has made them no longer curious. After all, their curiosity made the parents angry. At school, the way they learn is based on repetition and more repetition. Of course this doesn’t help either.

On the other hand, it is difficult for parents to allow their children to let their curiosity run wild as much as they want. Parents often fear that their children will hurt themselves.

However, you need to know what happens when you let your nervousness take over. You will end up saying “No” and “Don’t do that!” or “Come back here!” We can say that this has nothing positive to offer.

You can try to make an effort anyway. However, that effort can also make you feel anxious. At a certain point, you may become so scared that you will eventually scream “No” with all your heart. You should know that you are confusing your children when you do this. They will think “Why are you yelling at me when you said you could?”

The best thing you can do is accompany your children while they explore. Be aware of what is really dangerous for them. It is okay if children fall while playing in the grass. That’s not really the case when they climb a ladder. Go with them but also give them space. Give them a little freedom and trust their judgment as they grow up. Do this instead of bluntly saying “No.”

Don’t just say “No,” explain to them why

In many cases it is not necessary to say “No”. If you don’t want your kids to touch something, you can say “that’s dirty,” “that’s not yours,” or “that could hurt you.” Also explain to them how things work. “Chairs are for sitting on” or “Treat people, things and animals with respect”. Tell them the reasons behind your actions. “I’m busy now. Just a minute and you’ll get my attention.”

That way, your kids will understand what’s going on. So they won’t feel like someone is yelling at them for no reason.

Routines and boundaries can also help you say “No” less often. We give an example. “It’s time to take a bath and go to sleep. You have to go to school tomorrow!” or “Let’s go home. It is getting late and I have yet to prepare dinner.”

I know it can be frustrating that your kids always want to eat sweets and junk food. However, you can tell them the following. “Let’s eat fruit. It is very tasty and you will not feel sick afterwards.”

There are so many other things you can do and say instead of just saying “No”. Explain to your children the consequences of their actions. For example, you can say, “If you hit your friends, they won’t want to play with you anymore” or, “If you don’t want to study, you won’t pass the test.”

Alternatives: Saying “No” in a positive way

There are alternative choices you can use instead of saying “No”.  So you can also say “No” in a positive way. These alternatives will help your children make their own decisions in the future. However, your children will not always be easy. They will fight back!

You are the primary authority. However, forcing your children to follow the system without giving them room to breathe will not help them grow up as individuals. It will sometimes be difficult to deal with them.

With their energy, they can make you lose control. However, you can already help them more with a different attitude and a different state of mind.

Offer them alternatives. “That’s too dangerous. If not, help me with this,” or “It’s raining. We can’t go outside. Let’s go watch a movie!” Tell them something that can make them go to bed without a problem. Give them the choice to bring something to bed: a doll, a teddy bear or a book.

When you really need to say “No”

Speak to them firmly but don’t yell. There is no reason why you should be rude to them. Don’t insult them. Also, don’t say things you might regret later. Be honest and address them by name. Say things in a better way and be clear: “I’m mad at you. I didn’t like what you did.”

Talk only about their actions. However, don’t let them think that their behavior determines them. Instead of saying “You’re a bad kid” say “You did something bad.” So don’t say “You’re lazy.” Do say, “It took way too long to do this.”

You have to be their role model. Show them how to do it. Also remember to show them the consequences of their actions. Be firm: “You haven’t brushed your teeth. So I won’t be reading a story tonight.”

Intelligent parenting

Finding alternative ways to set boundaries without constantly saying “No” will make you an intelligent parent.  This also applies to learning to say “No” in a positive way. It is a smart and positive act to look for alternatives to saying “no”. This will allow you to fill your method as a parent with conditions, understanding and common sense.

This new approach to saying no in a positive way will likely require a lot of effort on your part. You may feel tired and defeated at times. However, it will not always be so.

Once your kids get used to this dynamic, everything will get easier. They will be able to understand your point of view on their actions. They will also be able to see in advance what they want and what they don’t want.