The Person Who Broke You Can’t Be The One Who Fixes You
Remember this: the person who broke you can’t make you better again. Don’t make this mistake. Don’t think that this person is the one you’re going to recover. The person who broke you cannot help you repair the damage or eliminate the pain.
If the relationship hurts you, don’t fall back into it. Don’t go back because you’re afraid of being alone or don’t know how to live your life without him. However, dysfunctional relationships, if not treated appropriately, will not stop being dysfunctional overnight.
Remember that your mind had many arguments for a life without that person when you left. It hurt and you still had reasons to want to stay by his side, but you wanted to convince yourself that this wasn’t the best thing for you.
Everything you run away from will repeat itself
Time passes and conflicts repeat themselves. Humiliation, mistrust, the sting of a wound that didn’t heal properly. Anything you walk away from without solving it will repeat itself. Freud theorized this fact in 1920 in his book Beyond the Pleasure Principle . At the time, he called this a compulsion to repeat.
This means that people tend to trip over the same stone (everyone has their own stone, of course). It means that when your personal stone is a certain kind of relationship, you will fall back into it systematically.
The fact that your stone has “a human name” or “a human form” symbolizes that you tend to react in the same way, generate emotional dependence and seek love in a certain way, often in a specific person.
Therefore, you often get similar problems despite the fact that you are in different stages of life. Why is this happening? Because everything you run away from is going to repeat itself. If you don’t reflect and think about your decisions or ways of interacting, you are doomed to keep making the same mistakes.
Accept change and move on…
When something is broken inside, nothing is ever the same
When you are broken, when you feel inner pain, you long for the stability and well-being that you have with that person. Insecurity ironically makes you sure that ‘everything is always better with company’.
Obviously, relationships that rely on an emotional bond are built on a dysfunctional attachment. But this is something you can adjust by constantly adjusting your experiences and reflections.
Change is based on the formation of new bonds of attachment and the loss of certain bonds. If the experiences are very different and significant, the content of the images, strategies, and feelings will change your tendency to seek relationships based on dependence.
Solving your emotional emptiness is a personal task. No one has the power or the responsibility to do it for you or to let you do it. Keep in mind that any process of change involves pain and effort.
Letting go of your pain nourishes your self-esteem
Letting go of everything related to selfishness or unwarranted absence will help you start a new phase. It helps you nurture your self-esteem and grow emotionally.
Letting go and getting away from harmful relationships means going free. It means that you are growing and creating a new life. A new life that stands alone and breathes psychological oxygen from a fertile atmosphere for change.
Throwing dirt on your pain cannot guarantee the success of your relationship. Sometimes stories have ellipses where two dots have to be removed in order to completely change them. This goodbye means you have to untie yourself indefinitely. It may be difficult, but the immediate consequence will be the reconstruction of your existence and the harmony of your inner world. It is not always easy, but it is necessary.
